Music


Posted at at January 21, 2019 on Monday, January 21, 2019 by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Now where was I before these fuckers so rudely interrupted me from my own life... ?




Posted at at January 21, 2019 on by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Supergirls just fly ...

You can tell by the way
She walks that she's my girl
You can tell by the way
She talks, she rules the world

You can see in her eyes
That no one is her chain
She's my girl
My supergirl

And then she'd say
It's okay
I got lost
On the way but I'm a supergirl
And supergirls don't cry

And then she'd say
It's alright
I got home
Late last night, but I'm a supergirl
And supergirls just fly

And then she'd say
It's alright
I got home
Late last night, but I'm a supergirl
And supergirls just fly

And then she'd say
That nothing can go wrong
When you're in love
What can go wrong?

Then she'd laugh
The night time into day
Pushing her fear
Further along

And then she'd say
It's okay
I got lost
On the way but I'm a supergirl
And supergirls don't cry

And then she'd shout
Down the line
Tell me she's got no more time
'Cause she's a supergirl
And supergirls don't hide

And then she'd scream
In my face
Tell me to leave, leave this place
'Cause she's a supergirl
And supergirls just fly

Yes, she's a supergirl
A supergirl
She's sewing seeds
She's burning trees
She's sewing seeds
She's burning trees
Yes, she's a supergirl
A supergirl
A supergirl
My supergirl

— Anna Naklib, Supergirl

Posted at at January 21, 2019 on by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Cheers

10:31 AM <•XXXXX> do you forget anythign??
10:31 AM <•supergirl> i do not.
10:32 AM <•XXXXX> shit
10:32 AM <•supergirl> i remember thousands of people
10:32 AM <•QQQQQ> llol
10:32 AM <•supergirl> and what theyve said
10:32 AM <•supergirl> i can pick up a conversation from years ago
10:32 AM <•ZZZZ> Oh no!
10:32 AM <•YYYY> Is that a blessing or a curse to have our all in your head....lol
10:32 AM <•supergirl> its part of why this place is fun
10:32 AM <•supergirl> its like fuckin Cheers
10:32 AM <•supergirl> lol
10:32 AM <•supergirl> YYYY: both
10:32 AM <•YYYY> I bet
10:32 AM <•supergirl> cuz i dont forget kindness or unkindness
10:32 AM <•supergirl> resentments run deep
10:32 AM <•supergirl> LOL
10:32 AM <•XXXXX> that was my one goal in life,,,to have a place that everyone knew my name
10:32 AM <•XXXXX> but i thougth it was going to be a bar
10:32 AM <•XXXXX> not a chatroom
10:33 AM <•supergirl> XXXXX :D
10:33 AM <•VVVVV> It really is like cheers. Thats crazy
10:33 AM <•XXXXX> resentments will kill ya,,,,rmemeber kindness
10:33 AM — •supergirl sings "where everybody knows your name, your address, your telephone number, your employer... and some of them are not glad you caaaaame"
10:33 AM <•XXXXX> right
10:33 AM <•supergirl> :D

Posted at at January 21, 2019 on by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Burn in hell, nachat.LIE

Their admin Bill tried to erase our fucking website.

Who is attacking and disrupting whom?



Their admin Bill admits to evading bans and coming on to say mean shit.

Who is attacking and disrupting whom? 

Stan and Bill have an old copy of the JFT_BOT that they have read through carefully and used to identify the !last command exploit they tried to use to erase our website.

That copy of the bot is so old, it doesn't have the BOPM recipe in my trollbot that cuts these attacks down by about 75-80+ percent. Even after reading through the copy of the JFT_BOT they have, they have difficulty sneaking into the room. That's why people feel safe in my room.

Here's Bill admitting to the amount of effort he's spent trying to sneak through my BOPM:





Their moderator Shiloh posts my name/address/phone # on nachat.live



Stan and Shiloh made violent homophobic threats for something I didn’t do and celebrated my supposed imminent death from drugs or aids.

<Stan> og geezus
<Stan> this is screwed up
<Stan> this fucker never quits
<Stan> he is a pussy doesnt even have the balls to call me even when I said to block his phone number..
<Stan> wait
<Stan> dont kick
<Stan> Robert have the fucking balls to call me to peace of slime
<Stan> you are slime
<Stan> fucking pussy
<Stan> recovery my ass you fuck peave of shit
<Stan> come on give me what ever you have
<Stan> I am not like the others and scared of you
<Stan> peace of shit
<Stan> fuck you
<Stan> smart??
<Stan> your a dumbass
<Stan> hey havent you noticed I havent really been trying anything on your site? Yeah keep this up and you will find yourself in a court. Remember I have all your info now. I will send everything to your mothers house..
<Stan> and also your so called biz name.. Kiss that goodbye

<Shiloh> If it was real life we could beat their ass
<Shiloh> and would
<Shiloh> He's a scrawny diseased little pervert with a short time to live
<Shiloh> Come on Stan...the LAST thing he wants to be is a "Man"
<Shiloh> Unless they can cure aids and other stds his days are numbered anyway. If the drugs don't kill him the disease will
<Shiloh> He's so fragile now he can hardly type
<Shiloh> He's crap his pants if hhe met either of us on the street
<Shiloh> he can hardly walk
<Shiloh> They say even the other perverts think he's unsafe
<Shiloh> He's scared to stay in one place very long for fear of real people
<Shiloh> I think ..." among his fellow perverts" he's shunned
<Shiloh> they want to live
<Shiloh> for a while

We know I didn’t do it because it was Jessie:



But “we just wanna carry the message and live the NA principles and give back the gift.”



Shut the fuck up, liar.

Narcissists and sociopaths refuse to look inward and admit their own faults.

THAT is your response to what I wrote in my blog?

I don't care how you wrap this up in supposed victimization.

You are the aggressor, not the victim.

You will never acknowledge or apologize for wrongly doxxing, ridiculing, and threatening me.

You will never acknowledge or apologize for trying to erase our website.

You will never acknowledge or apologize for phil, scooter, and shiloh repeatedly taunting me for having aids on nachat.LIE -- and you wonder why I fucking hate your website. 

"b b b b b b b b but we just wanna live the principles and give back the gift. you're so mean!"

You fucking sociopaths.

You're just like that fucking narcissist Daniel I dated --- You would rather someone killed themselves than ever apologize, admit a fault, or admit you did something wrong.

You do NOT have the capacity to even say "I'm sorry I said this thing that hurt you."

You do NOT have the capacity to look inward. Because for a narcissist to say "I'm sorry" or that they're anything less than right or perfect, is to say "I AM A TOTAL PIECE OF SHIT" and hurl your whole sad little world into the sun. You can't do it.

How did Step 8 and Step 9 go for you? 

LOL.

I bought the book "Disarming the Narcissist" and I am on to you fuckers.

That is why you are being called out on my blog.

It won't change YOU.

These entries aren't for YOU.

YOU are sick and BEYOND HELP.

These entries... are to warn everyone ELSE about you!

Everything I said is true.

You started this and you got your ass beat down.

You got the attention of some persistent trolls who have also trolled MY site extensively, in one case one of them hit me with 750-1000 proxies per hour when he attacked me.

We have had to learn to live with them --- I was good enough to slow them down due to the aforementioned BOPM, but -- here's some real talk: Even I can't ENTIRELY ban them so I've befriended both of them. They've worked on their behavior and at least attempt to be civil now. I actually kind of like the bastards now.

I'll give you a hint: they're not American, so there's not much I can do to them legally.

I would have provided you with my custom BOPM that reduces this kind of shit -- but after y'all tried to ERASE OUR WEBSITE and laughed about me being a diseased pervert and celebrated my imminent death ...

Hahahahhahahahaahahhahah fuck you, you deserve this you fucking assholes.

Nothing you do to me is going to stop this.

Best of luck with that, Stan!!!!!

Posted at at January 21, 2019 on by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

I’ve said a lot of horrible things recently. I’ve failed to resist or speak out. Forgive me and help me to bring Justice on Earth.

God, I offer myself to Thee – to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life.

Posted at at January 20, 2019 on Sunday, January 20, 2019 by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Introduction to REAL Recovery: The moderator team on www.nachat.live

Update: Post is in its final form and archived as http://archive.is/rOvbJ

I've been claiming for years that John and Betsy have been smearing me on social media since 2016, doing everything they can to sabotage my reputation within Narcotics Anonymous, and encouraging others to harass or threaten/intimidate me for years.

The real reason they're doing this is because they are angry that they were demoted as moderators on nachatroom.org , with good cause. I will get to that part. Their holy wars and their attempts to divide the group and create other sites on a foundation of lies -- often, damaging lies at my expense -- will apparently never end.

I had no proof due to a hard drive crash where I lost all the logs.

For better or worse, they continue to engage in this behavior (which I'm not happy about of course) but as a result, there are ample opportunities to catch them in the act and collect more logs.

I have been able to collect some proof of my allegations against them:



Yesterday the admin team on nachat.live saw fit to resort to their longstanding pattern of doxxing me by disseminating my real name, address, and telephone number on their website yesterday and now I have logs and screen shots to back up my claims.

I am exhausted from battling these self-professed members of Narcotics Anonymous for the last anywhere from three to ten years, and in order to save my own life and salvage my own recovery, I have determined that I have exhausted all other avenues including forgiveness, and multiple attempts to make direct amends with Susan and John. 

Their obsession with me and their years of unrelenting attacks have crossed the line, they meet no definition of reasonable or sane or acceptable. Their behavior has now veered into criminal conduct such as attempting to sabotage the server that hosts nachatroom.org

Let's introduce these cyberbullies, psychopaths, and perverts to the world:


Vajanis = Janis Lynn Marano aka Janis Dostie of Fairfield CT

Janis Marano is a crazy bitch who has been harassing me for nine years.

She first flipped out on me ( when she was then known as Janis Dostie) and accused me of being a hacker named “Kat.”

I watched the results of her paranoid banning sprees back in 2010-2011. Grown women torn from their new friends and sobbing.

This is why she is no longer a moderator on nachatroom.org.

She's tried to start nachat.us and nachat.net and nachat.live just because she wants her POWAH and her precious god damned AUTHOATAY so badly, and she chases after a key like Gollum chases his precious. She's been trying to start competing rooms and divide the group for about fifteen years.

Despite looking like Mick Jagger's unwanted child, believe it or not Janis is supposedly clean and sober. I question whether John and Betsy are clean, but I actually believe that Janis is.

She might looks and act like someone who's strung out on bath salts.

But she's not loaded, she's just clinically fucking insane. 

Janis's signature party trick is to ban innocent bystanders for supposedly infecting her computer or her router or her ipad.

2:52 PM <misterpickles> OMG
2:52 PM <misterpickles> SHES DOING IT AGAIN
2:52 PM <misterpickles> <Janis> stan there is a virus in my mirc
2:52 PM <misterpickles> <Janis> my backspace goes crazy
2:52 PM <misterpickles> <Janis> i cant get the window to open properly
2:52 PM <misterpickles> PARANOID VAJANIS STRIKES AGAIN
2:52 PM <misterpickles> WHO WILL SHE BLAME NOW
2:52 PM <misterpickles> kek !
2:52 PM <misterpickles> These assholes NEVER FUCKING CHANGE.

I’ve been terrorized for years by so-called NA members.

Years before I ever “ran a site,” when I was a newcomer some bitch Janis Dostie found me on Facebook and emailed me on Christmas Day 2011 to tell me I was a horrible person and she hoped that I died.

I was quite bewildered.

I was just some newcomer looking for help.

I didn’t know her.

I didn’t know any of this history.

I never did anything to Janis Dostie.

But in her mind I was someone named “Kat.”

And in her mind I had been "hacking her"for years.

I didn’t know who Kat was.

I know now that Kat was Lon’s girlfriend.

(Lon being the guy who ran na-recovery.org, which apparently posed a competitive threat to her site at nachat.us -- see a pattern here?)

So Robert shows up, and immediately I’m attacked for being some woman who dates some guy who runs na-recovery.org

Ohkaaaaay crazy lady.

This bitch would obsessively email me nasty things year after year after year.

I did not “run a competing site” until 2014.

I did not “steal nachatroom.org” until 2016.

Would you like to try again, to explain, why Janis Dostie has singled me out and terrorized me and threatened me on social media since 12/25/2011?

Janis Dostie — whoever the fuck she was, I wondered then — was convinced that I was some part of the Great NA Chatroom Wars she had embroiled herself in for years.

I didn't know what those were then, but oh god, I do now.

Janis resurfaced on nachatroom.org about a month ago, talking about how she had experience as a chairperson and a moderator, and can she please chair meetings and "have a key," "that is, if Robert's okay with it."

I was like "uhhhh. are you the Janis D who ran nachat.us?"

"Yes. Except now, I'm Janis M."

Wow! So........... I'm so glad something has changed since then.

Your last name! Not the fact that you're an evil psycopathic bitch!

"Oh, and my husband passed."

Just as well. Living with you must have been hard.

I said "I'm a better person than you and I won't ban you but you are fucking psycho and will never have a position here."

Enraged, she deported to nachat.live where Stan -- see a pattern here? -- immediately gives her a key and makes her a mod.

"REAL RECOVERY," Y'ALL.

If they want to be a bunch of dejected losers on social media ranting about how I am a criminal and a rapist, fine. That's their side of the story.

Since they feel so entitled to air THEIR grievances about me on social media, make violent and homophobic threats about me, and post my name and address and telephone number on nachat.live .... fuck them, they're not going to do that and then hide behind their alleged NA membership and tradition 12 when I return fire.

I desire no contact with them and they are not welcome on nachatroom.org

Just for the record, I won't be participating in attacks on nachat.live but I am going to fucking celebrate them and root for the opposing team every time I hear about it.

Betsy7122 = Susan Roan of Plymouth MA, aka  “Betsy Wilt.”

Betsy7122 (Susan Roan, aka Betsy Wilt -- the alias she uses to engage in cyberbullying and doxxing/harassment on social media) is a cunt.

Normally, "cunt" is a horrible and misogynistic word.

However In Susan Roan's case, we haven't even invented a word that adequately conveys what a cunt she is.

Susan Roan would rather see addicts die than admit her wrongs. To sociopaths like Susan Roan, nothing -- not even people dying -- is as unbearable as having to look at themselves.

Susan likes to posture as a demure, sweet school teacher who hates tawdry and obscene language.

She is also (for real) into violent rape/choking cybersex roleplay. 

Before you click on that shit, here's an example of her moral posturing. 

I'm "Newcomer668" of course.

<betsy7122>: like I always told my students, pretend your grandmother is in the room

<betsy7122>: unfortunately, some of the evidently had pretty racy grandmothers

<NewComer668>: i know a pretty racy grandmother who cybersexed with Leger and roleplayed being choked with him and then sat in chat pretending to be the sweetest most docile G rated creature that ever graced the na chat. was a schoolteacher i think.

*** NewComer668 was kicked by Jim2003 (Jim2003)

!!! You have been kicked from #nachatroom

(I'm not going to take a lot of time or space taking Jim2003's inventory. He's a liar who makes claims about how he packaged the old mIRC installation or created or managed the old website hoping he'll curry favor and get a TS position on other sites that crop up. He did absolutely none of the things he boasts of, and he doesn't realize that I was there and remember who actually performed the tasks he takes credit for. He also doesn't realize that I was there when he was demoted from nachatroom.org for accusing Tommy and Robin of fucking each other -- as if! -- and there's nothing else to that story.)

For being such a sexual deviant, she has enjoyed smearing me as a "rapist" and scored victim/sympathy points at my expense on Facebook for the last 3-5 years, claiming she is quaking in her boots and living in constant fear that I am going to cross four timezones and rape her.

Being exposed for the kind of pervert SHE is makes her panic.

She claims the "Leger log" is fake but Betsy herself directly provided this log to Robin_Y.

Robin is in possession of the original log(s) from Betsy in her c:\mIRC drive. 

The copy I posted online is completely unaltered.


I am gay and I am flatly not interested. I would need a twenty inch dick to penetrate her FUPA and hit something wet other than the smegma between her fat folds.

I am curious as to whether the cages in this picture are supposed to be for the cats or for Susan and the other inmates in whatever state mental hospital she logs on from.


Susan Roan is a bully who enjoys using newcomers as punching bags and kicks/bans them for sport, per her own admission that "this is more fun than the animal shooting game in the other room."

We asked her to be nicer to the newcomers. Instead of agreeing, she demanded to know "WHO THE FUCK DIED AND MADE YOU GOD?"

There is a rumor that a 13-year-old boy named Eric (Nuke) committed suicide because of Susan's bullying.

This is why Susan Roan is no longer a moderator on nachatroom.org

It's been three years since she was demoted and banned. She needs to fucking get over it.

But she can't. She has to lie about her part in everything and demonize me in some of the most horrific ways possible -- as a criminal and as a rapist. I'm sorry, cunt isn't a nice word. But for those few for whom this shoe fits... falsely smearing innocent and gentle men as "rapists" is precisely what cunts do. I want to be loved and held and rocked to sleep. By a dude. I am emotionally a gay man. I'm a loud whorey bottom. How do you people not evaluate her claim that I would want her sexually ... as ridiculous on its face? What is wrong with you that you listen to this shit and believe this person? Y'all are walking in your sleep.




Stan = Stanley Schumacher of Mays Landing, NJ


When Stan first showed up he had less than a month clean.

But he wanted to be in charge so badly that he lied and said he had 6 months so he could chair.

When Robin and Tommy found out he was a liar they deported him.

Him and Vajanis started nachat.us together.


The rest is history -- to this day, all they dream about is being in charge.


They’ve spent over ten to fifteen years trying to create competing websites such as nachat.us and nachat.net and nachat.live, running intense campaigns to divide the group just so they have a kingdom to rule over, and if that means I have to be scapegoated and labeled as insane or a rapist then so be it. Just know they were doing this shit years before I ever arrived.

Mysteriously, they had someone else to scapegoat and attack and blame back then, too. Bill Clawson tried to delete our fucking website and bot with arbitrary commands two nights in a row, but Stan noneteless hops up on that cross and whines about how he feels "attacked."


The worst thing I would have said about Stan's past service as a site admin was that he enabled Janis's psychosis, stood by, and did nothing to help her victims.

The worst thing I would have said about his current service on nachat.live, is his selection of trusted servants.

However, I witnessed him ranting and calling me a "pussy," a "piece of shit," "slime," a "dumbass," and he threatened to sue me, engage in harassing indirect contact via my mother's home address, and take my "so called biz" over Jessie trolling his website that day.

Most notably he bragged about "having my info," thereby indirectly confirming the ongoing doxxing/exchanging of my personal info to be used in a threatening or vindictive manner. This is a full 24 hours before screen shots were taken of Shiloh posting all my info on nachat.live so it's been going on for awhile.

Therefore, you should not feel sorry for this man earning a mention on my blog.

These people threatened me with bodily harm, called me all those names, threatened to sue me and take me for everything i own -- hahahhaahha hahahhahahahhah ahahahah ahahh ahhahahha hahahahahhahaha hahahahahahahah about that... here you go... have a bashed up stereo from 2005, a TV with several gouges across the front, about six T-shirts, two sweaters, three pairs of jeans, a convertible up on blocks that doesn't run, $400 in my checking account, and a full sized bed.

You don't even need a judge, if you want MY shit, you need it more badly than I do, you can HAVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Look at your recovery shine, fool."

It was Jessie who said those words.

I wasn't involved in that particular attack but here's what Stan had to say about me owing to his paranoia and his rage that I was behind that particular attack.

<Stan> og geezus
<Stan> this is screwed up
<Stan> this fucker never quits
<Stan> he is a pussy doesnt even have the balls to call me even when I said to block his phone number..
<Stan> wait
<Stan> dont kick
<Stan> Robert have the fucking balls to call me to peace of slime
<Stan> you are slime
<Stan> fucking pussy
<Stan> recovery my ass you fuck peave of shit
<Stan> come on give me what ever you have
<Stan> I am not like the others and scared of you
<Stan> peace of shit
<Stan> fuck you
<Stan> smart??
<Stan> your a dumbass
<Stan> hey havent you noticed I havent really been trying anything on your site? Yeah keep this up and you will find yourself in a court. Remember I have all your info now. I will send everything to your mothers house..
<Stan> and also your so called biz name.. Kiss that goodbye



Fuck your HuGGggGgGgZ, you get {{{ CHAINSAWZZZZ IN YOUR PUSSIEZZZZZ }}}, bitches.



Bill aka strawberry aka Stewart = Bill Clawson of Gainesville FL


Bill Clawson (of nachat.live) tried to exploit my chat robot and induce it to delete itself. The commands Bill tried to execute — in case they don’t mean anything to you — would have written random garbage to /home/nachatroom , destroying the website and bot and chat server, completely filling the disk, and crashing the server.

Despite his use of the Opera browser and a VPN I caught this fucking prick red handed.

Additionally, JessT bragged that he was trying to hack the website.

Now -- STAN--- wants to sit here sniffling because Jessie and PROBABLY others logged into your chat server and SAID MEAN WORDS.

I have proof that it’s Bill trying to hack the bot.

Here’s nabuddy’s IP address:


And here is Bill on Stan’s stupid website with the same fucking IP address.

(I can see the IP address because Stan is a fucking moron and exposes everyone’s IP addresses to the public.)


Here’s Bill trying to hack my bot for a second morning in a row — the commands below are an attempt to trash the entire /home/nachatroom directory, which would have taken out the web page, the bot, and our chat server.

But Stan feels victimized by "needless and continued attacks stemming from nachatroom.org"

Ohhhhhhhhhhhkay then buddy.





 




Susie = Susie Carter Keczan of Bluefield, WV, aka "E.T."

Rik overdosed and died shooting up while he was having phone sex with Susie the Slut.

She had told Rik she felt an “instant connection” with him. 


Just like she had said to CanadianFarmer.

(Jesus, phil, this is the hill you want to die on?)

She’s into “mommy” role play with Bytor.

She offered to wire $20.00 to Canada if Derek would let her call him “daddy.”

We got a complaint from a newcomer who said he was texted and told he needs to “make mommy feel special.”

He never returned. 


But he did e-mail us to say that was creepy and we should do something about it.

Do you see a pattern here? Susie is demoted and banned from nachatroom.org. 

Even if none of this is true, Susie LOVES spreading lies about people in PM so much and she LOVES ruining their reputations so much, she should appreciate this more than anyone !

This must be the "real recovery" Stan is talking about.


Does anyone have the email Susie used to send to newcomers with instructions on how to chair? It came with some chat robot commands and a vag shot.


Shiloh = John Harrison Wilson of Amory, Mississippi


Yesterday John Harrison Wilson (Shiloh) posted my name, address, phone number, and mocked me as a "diseased" pervert who will be dead from drugs or aids soon, apparently giddy with the idea of a fellow addict dying from the disease of addiction.  

This must be the "real recovery" that Stan keeps blathering about.

"Wow, look at your recovery shine."


The fucked up part is that John made violent and homophobic threats against me for something I did not even do. I was in their chatroom using the nick "woody" and watching what was happening but I was not the one trolling them. 




Let that sink in. John Harrison Wilson wants his fucking chatroom key and perceived authority over others so badly, that I deserve to die from aids or drugs for demoting him or for some kind of cyber attack that I was not involved in. 

<Shiloh> If it was real life we could beat their ass
<Shiloh> and would
<Shiloh> He's a scrawny diseased little pervert with a short time to live
<Shiloh> Come on Stan...the LAST thing he wants to be is a "Man"
<Shiloh> Unless they can cure aids and other stds his days are numbered anyway. If the drugs don't kill him the disease will
<Shiloh> He's so fragile now he can hardly type
<Shiloh> He's crap his pants if hhe met either of us on the street
<Shiloh> he can hardly walk
<Shiloh> They say even the other perverts think he's unsafe
<Shiloh> He's scared to stay in one place very long for fear of real people
<Shiloh> I think ..." among his fellow perverts" he's shunned
<Shiloh> they want to live
<Shiloh> for a while

Just when it didn't get any better -- Shiloh is a self-avowed DEA/FBI/DOJ snitch, too:



Drugs are a horrible fucking scourge on society that kill 60,000 Americans a year today. Snitches probably save lives, so thank you for your service to America, snitch!

Do I need to explain why this violent homophobic piece of shit was demoted and is not welcome on nachatroom.org? Be angry and bitter about that if you have to, explain your demotion and exile in whatever terms help you sleep better at night, you are a fucking liar and I don't care.

In Closing

Every time they’re trolled or attacked they know it’s that no-good Robert.

Maybe that's true.

Maybe they're fucking paranoid.

It has never occurred to them that they’re such assholes other people might hate them too.

Janis, Stan, Betsy, Lon, Jim, Susie, Shiloh all have one thing in common: They were fired as moderators and possibly also asked to leave nachatroom.org. Instead of learning anything or taking social cues or agreeing to work on their problematic behavior, sometimes after being given repeated chances to only have them behave EXACTLY THE SAME as they did every other time an online group said “no thanks” and “please leave,” they just go defiantly create other sites and repackage it as “REAL recovery.”

We believe in giving everyone a second and third and three hundredth chance.

These people are bullies.

They will not look inward.

They will not change. Their sense of ENTITLEMENT in light of the circumstances is fucking staggering, and it says a lot that they don't want to participate on nachatroom.org unless they have a key and AUTHORITY. They don't want to just sit in there and greet and welcome and encourage newcomers, which is the real reason the fucking site even exists.

And until/unless they ever do so they are poison for this group and they’re not welcome. In fact at this point, I might even go so far as saying I don't give a shit about their personal journey or if they ever change -- stay the fuck off of my site and do not contact me.

Some of you remember a young man named Bristol, whom John and Betsy taunted and were mean to and attempted to deport in January 2016.

Bristol brought nachatroom.org to its knees with trolling and flooding and attacks.

The dude would smoke meth and piss into a bucket under the table and troll for five straight days.

They could only ban 40 addresses at one time.

And he had hundreds.

There was no stopping him. And he laughed and laughed and laughed at their rage and their incompetence.

People LOVE getting one over on “NA Nazis.”

I don’t fucking blame them.

I’ve been subject to an unfair two year ban by these people

I’ve seen a lot of good people banned over nothing.

I feel you.

Understand that when it comes to bans, tradition 1 says the group comes before the individual.

If you are a fuckhead who is cancer for the group and will not be friendly with your friends, we encourage you to go check out www.nachat.live and then we ban you.

I had never thought to try and use the Tor browser to evade my two year ban or troll Betsy and Robin over on Connie’s site.

I wish I’d been that smart, I’d have done the same fucking thing.

Anyway. I was asked to help. They were so desperate they were ready to shut the door.

I fixed shit and got rid of Bristol.

For awhile I was a hero.

Now according to some people who can't take rejection well -- I “stole” your website.

EXHIBIT A: EVERYONE HATES SHILOH.

I can prove this wasn’t me!

I HATE that miserable dickhead Bytor’s guts and I would NEVER call that NA Nazi “polite.”

This is just how newcomers react to John and Betsy.

They don’t get that they, and they alone, are responsible for this.




Having rescued and secured the site, and having banned and demoted John and Betsy for being evil, now they whine that it’s rightfully theirs and I “stole it.”

Incorrect.

Betsy banned me in 2014. I bought na-chat.org/com/net and invited all the people she banned.

Including the brother of the young man who committed suicide. He was banned in order to prevent him from telling others what had happened.

We called our group “the bannees.”

I paid for these domains and I wrote this website and the JFT_BOT from scratch.

At the time I also bought www.nachatroom.net on the open market because it was registered and NOBODY owned it. I bought that domain fair and square, I did not "steal" it.

Here's a screen capture of na-chat.org on June 19, 2014. Does it look familiar?


It should.

Because this is the website I built, I bought, and I paid for.

A truce was eventually called and everyone was unbanned. I said I don’t want to run a site. I just wanted to be a fly on the wall and welcome and encourage people.

I didn't want muh fuckin precious. I closed my site and I was happy as a clam just being an observer and a participant on nachatroom.org.

When Bristol attacked us, no one would give me access to nachatroom.org to fix its issues.

I was asked if I could please turn my site back on.

I did so. However I brought it up as "www.nachatroom.net" and forwarded na-chat.com/net/org to it.

(Reminder that I bought and paid for www.nachatroom.net on the open market because it was available for purchase.)

And then we all abandoned nachatroom.org and left it to the trolls.

After about two months I spoke with Connie.

I explained the problems with John and Betsy.

She gasped “my god, get rid of them!”

And we did.

So it was actually Connie, who said to demote and/or ban John and Betsy. Not me.

Call her and ask her yourself.

I’ve been demonized and terrorized for years for that.

Anyway Connie liked what I did and she gave me permission -- and her passwords -- to forward nachatroom.org to my website. She said she didn't want newcomers finding an empty site. Asked which of the two sites should survive, we agreed to turn hers off.

The old site ran on Windows/IIS and my custom BOPM and my bots require Linux to run.

Connie and I both, at the time, drove little BMW Z4 convertibles. We thought that was funny.

Connie sounded like a raspy chain smoking over the top broad. I was instantly smitten.

She said "This is the answer to my prayers. I wanted to keep this going but I wanted to be rid of it too."

Oh my god, do I ever know what she means.

Nachatroom.org was created in 2006.

My site was created in 2014. Betsy has only BRIEFLY been welcome — despite banning me for two years for lies, I forgave her, I welcomed her, I even made her an op — and now she’s no longer welcome.

Betsy constantly asserts some kind of delusional claim to rightful ownership of my site on the basis of her being a former member of websites that no longer exist.

I rebranded my site nachatroom.org in 2017 or 2018.

But that’s not Connie’s site.

Bristol brought that to its knees.

It was closed down three years ago.

Just like then, they’re unable to stop attacks of this nature on nachat.live today. I'd sure hate to see anyone use ExpressVPN or the "Tor Browser" to go in there and troll them, lol.

Anyway -- Nobody contributed a dime for the construction of na-chat.org , which is the site you get when you visit nachatroom.org

It cost me $2,500 between development and ranking.

I don't care about the money. Any moron can put up a website, add mibbit and an IRC room to it (hello, Stan!) -- but the group has been around longer than any of these sites (including mine) and hopefully it will be around longer than any of these sites. For now, I am providing the GROUP with a place to carry ITS message, and for now they have chosen to do so on nachatroom.org

Fuck the money.

What the group gives is thousands of hours of tireless service greeting and welcoming the 20,000 people who enter chat every year.

In the years that have passed, some have made donations. John and Betsy not among them. 

The bot took me several hundred hours to create.

John and Betsy -- It's not "yours."

I didn't "steal" it.

I paid for it and I made it.

Again, fuck the money. Fuck "ownership."

Nonetheless, this did not just appear out of the ether magically or for free!

Someone had to pay for it.

Someone had to create it.

Someone has to make sure the bills are paid to keep it running.

Gasp, yeah, someone legally "owns" it.

This isn't communism honey. 

(It's not fascism either -- if you want a place where dissidents and opponents are threatened with violence, you're welcome to check out nachat.live, cuz girl, that was some Tonya Harding level shit coming out of Shiloh's mouth the other day.)

Now let's get back to who owns what NOT BEING IMPORTANT.

The end result you visit today, is a merger of nachat.us , na-chat.org, and nachatroom.org

Isn't it fucking hilarious that I now own both of the websites that exiled me?

What exactly is Betsy's claim to rightful ownership of the site I created?

That I made her a moderator for a couple of weeks, that she was fucking evil to newcomers, that I asked her to be nice and stop using them as punching bags, to which she replied WHO THE FUCK DIED AND MADE YOU GOD?

John and Betsy were shown the door.

Because they're fucking assholes and I don't want them on the website I created and run.

Feel free to stay on nachat.live and let your real recovery shine...

Don't blame me for your problems there.

Blame yourselves.

"For... the smut we must stop
The trash we must smash
The laughter and fun
Must all be undone
We must blame them and cause a fuss
Before somebody thinks of blaming us!"

-- Blame Canada, South Park the Movie




Posted at at January 19, 2019 on Saturday, January 19, 2019 by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

“You mean my... FUCKING SCREENSAVER?”


Posted at at January 19, 2019 on by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

I hate Susan Roan more than I hate war in this world.

I have something far worse than rape in mind for her:

It's called "telling the truth."

That's the shit her nightmares are really made of.

Stay tuned.

Posted at at January 19, 2019 on by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

"Look at your recovery shine."

<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend477!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend477
<thisisfun> false advertising bitches, down right lies. You all need Jesus
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend656!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend656
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend815!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend815
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend285!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend285
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend556!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend556
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend780!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend780
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend613!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend613
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend173!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend173
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend639!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend639
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend880!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend880
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend039!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend039
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend041!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend041
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend601!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend601
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall Hyjinx!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to Hyjinx
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend861!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend861
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend494!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend494
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend154!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend154
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall Nae!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to Nae
<Nae> Thank you good to be back
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend619!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend619
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend902!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend902
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend038!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend038
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall yallsuck!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to yallsuck
--- Stan has banned *!*sex*@*
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall SexFiend678!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to SexFiend678
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend829!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend829
<yallsuck> haha
<Stan> fuck you
<Stan> asshole
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend986!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend986
+++ Stan set the channel to mode +i
<yallsuck> how many tits does susie have
*** yallsuck was kicked by Stan (Stan)
<Shiloh> Hi Stan
+++ Stan has taken voice from Freedom
+++ Stan has taken voice from nun
+++ Stan has taken voice from woody
+++ Stan set the channel to mode -i
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend972!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend972
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend844!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend844
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend116!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend116
+++ Stan has taken op from UnderDawg
+++ Stan has given voice to CanadianFarmer
<Stan> Hi CF
<CanadianFarmer> she said she felt an instant connection to me, how many others has she harmed
<CanadianFarmer> truthfully
<Shiloh> ?
<Stan> og geezus
<Shiloh> Who?
<Shiloh> Nancy Pelosi?
*** softylikewoody was kicked by Shiloh (Shiloh)
<Stan> this is screwed up
<Shiloh> Yep
<Stan> this fucker never quits
*** spongelikeshiloh was kicked by Shiloh (Shiloh)
<Shiloh> We do what we can
<Shiloh>  If it was real life we could beat their ass
<Shiloh> and would
*** yoursiteisdone was kicked by Shiloh (Shiloh)
<Stan> he is a pussy doesnt even have the balls to call me even when I said to block his phone number..
<Shiloh> He's a scrawny diseased little pervert with a short time to live
<woody> im not even doing this, im robert. i dont know who THAT is.
<Stan> wait
Cannot send to channel: #NAChatHall
<Stan> dont kick
+++ Stan has given op to UnderDawg
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall cantkeepmeout!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to cantkeepmeout
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend166!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend166
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall S3xFiend115!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to S3xFiend115
<cantkeepmeout> fried cat for lunch
<Stan> Robert have the fucking balls to call me to peace of slime
<cantkeepmeout> what did he call you
<Stan> you are slime
<cantkeepmeout> i call betsy cat hair
<Stan> fucking pussy
<cantkeepmeout> wow look at your recovery shine
<cantkeepmeout> fool
<Stan> recovery my ass you fuck peave of shit
<Stan> come on give me what ever you have
<cantkeepmeout> lol simmer down clown
<Stan> I am not like the others and scared of you
<Shiloh> Come on Stan...the LAST thing he wants to be is a "Man"
<cantkeepmeout> haha or as smart i see
<Stan> peace of shit
<Stan> fuck you
<Stan> smart??
<cantkeepmeout> lmmfao
<Stan> your a dumbass
<cantkeepmeout> stfushiloh dont you have dishes to do
<cantkeepmeout> another generation to ruin
<Shiloh> Unless they can cure aids and other stds his days are numbered anyway. If the drugs don't kill him the disease will
<cantkeepmeout> get busy
<cantkeepmeout> Youve got aids
 <Shiloh> He's so fragile now he can hardly type
<cantkeepmeout> but you wont kill me
<cantkeepmeout> you mean can't
<Shiloh> He's crap his pants if hhe met either of us on the street
<cantkeepmeout> get skooled
<Stan> hey havent you noticed I havent really been trying anything on your site? Yeah keep this up and you will find yourself in a court. Remember I have all your info now. I will send everything to your mothers house..
<Shiloh> he can hardly walk
<cantkeepmeout> hahaha go ahead fred
<Shiloh> They say even the other perverts think he's unsafe
<Stan> and also your so called biz name.. Kiss that goodbye
<cantkeepmeout> you should know shiloh, guess what they say about you
<cantkeepmeout> hahaha
<cantkeepmeout> hahaha
<cantkeepmeout> pansies
<Stan> yeah look whos talking
<cantkeepmeout> wheres slutty
<UnderDawg> \\/\//elcome to the NA Chat Main Hall woody_!
+++ UnderDawg has given voice to woody_
<Shiloh> He's scared to stay in one place very long for fear  of real people
<woody_> y'all. im robert. ive been in here as woody this whole time. thats not me.
<woody_> i recorded everything
<woody_> and im blogging it
<cantkeepmeout> shiloh stfu you aren't real, only real small
<woody_> my cell carrier is sprint
<woody_> thats at&t
<woody_> thats not me
<Shiloh> I think ..." among his fellow perverts" he's shunned
<Shiloh>  they want to live
<Shiloh> for a while
<woody_> you homophobic
*** cantkeepmeout was kicked by Stan (Stan)
*** woody_ was kicked by Stan (Stan)
*** woody was kicked by Stan (Stan)
!!! You have been kicked from #NAChatHall



Posted at at January 17, 2019 on Thursday, January 17, 2019 by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Bitch I’m Shakira

Posted at at January 15, 2019 on Tuesday, January 15, 2019 by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Heroes

All or Nothing, May 11 2017

"I'd heard the backstory about the founder. 
She had behavioral problems and she'd been kicked out of every group in town.
 
So she went off and founded this place. It helps thousands of people every month."


I went "fuck yes, this is my spirit animal."

They tried to tell this lady she belonged in the garbage.

It would have only been polite for her to go sit outside in the trash bin and wait to be hauled away so that they could all enjoy their stupid fucking meetings without her.

But she didn't do that. Her organization helps thousands of Los Angeles residents facing homelessness, or needing support with mental health or substance issues. There are a ton of non 12-step based support groups for everything: Grief, survivors of sexual assault, anger management, etc.

They use behavioral intervention techniques: No one is banned, punished, excluded, or turned away.

You get used to being compassionate towards people who might otherwise frighten you on the street.

I am so inspired by her.

Faced with the same problems, I sat silent in meetings for years.

I didn't want to be "crazy" or annoy people.


 **************

Sister Unity likes to ask people "Is it true? Is it necessary? And is it kind?"

That's what has held me back from explaining much of the bullshit related to running that website.

What they've put me through has been a fucking nightmare.

Is it true? Yes.

Is it necessary? Yes, it is necessary to explain that I have been hurt and I am constantly under attack, to the point where I deleted that fucking website for a few months in October.

Yes, it is necessary to explain that I had to bring the website back because it has given some other people hope, and I had better dedicate my god damn life to that -- or hand this particular endeavor off while I apply myself somewhere else I feel better equipped to do that -- until it no longer serves that purpose on a planet where no one really cares if you're lying in a gutter somewhere.

Yes, it is necessary to explain that I have chosen to do with my hurt is to protect people like me from feeling like me because of people who have hurt me.

Yes, it is necessary to explain that what I chose to do with the immense hurt I have experienced, is to hug another hurt person and see them for who they are and light a fire inside of them if I can.

Yes, it is necessary to explain that as a reward for my endeavors I have been attacked, defamed, doxxed, and lied about just so some bitch with control issues could start "her own" website on a foundation of lies about me, to try to undermine a website that only even thrived in the first place because she was such a monster when she was in control of its predecessor.

Yes, it is necessary to explain that she fooled some of them when she did this in 2014 and in 2016, but now it's 2019 and NOBODY believes her. Nobody likes that website. Nobody likes her. They think she's a bitch. And it's not even because I told everyone what a bitch she was. They experienced what a bitch she was, first hand, when she was running the show for three months and a lot of people went oh my god this is awful, I wonder if we can get Robert back. I hung in there, if only by a thread. I persevered, and I have been 100% vindicated.

It might not be comfortable, but it also might be necessary to explain that at one point I wanted to go sit down in a dumpster and close the lid and go do a fat slam of fent and see myself out.

Yes, it is necessary to explain that had I not brought the website back -- against Nacuntie's stern advice -- I would have missed the moment I actually fucking needed for myself.

I have been told by several people now that I have helped them or changed their life.

I'm fucking showing all the way up from now on and one way I will do so is by telling my story.

The real one that I considered "impolite" or way too over the top to tell people.

Is it kind?

Nope. As I've said before, "Maybe don't give people a nasty fucking attitude if you want history to be kind to you."


**************

I listened to this new Blood Orange CD on August 24, 2018.

It's a dope CD.

But the samples with Janet Mock blow my fucking mind.

I've changed my mind.

No matter how quiet you are, no matter how much you try to change your behavior, someone is always going to try to throw some shit in your face or speak ill of you.

Yes, people might be irritated or annoyed or think you're fucking crazy.

But some people might think you're hilarious and love you for who you are and never forget you too.

When you shrink yourself -- I love the way Janet put that -- you may protect yourself, but you might also prevent anyone from knowing you or loving you.

I used to consider myself race blind, and I tried to remember how we are all connected at the source, how we are all one, living in this illusion together, and how kids at the playground accept each other and play with each other fearlessly and without even understanding that they are boys or girls or different colors. These kids don't even understand that numbers or letters from the alphabet are different from one another yet for fucks sake.

I didn't like using the word "transgendered" before politics went crazy. If you told me you were a woman, I accepted you as a woman. If you didn't tell me and I wasn't sure, it was none of my god damned business. I felt as if a label like "transgender woman" was demeaning in some way, to say that they were less than a woman. 20 years ago I thought that this was forward for my time.

Then something slipped off its axis and I was no longer enough of an ally in the current political and social environment.

It makes me a little nervous and afraid to say that I have a hero who happens to be transgendered.

It makes me a little nervous and afraid to say that I have a hero who happens to be a woman.

It makes me a little nervous and afraid to say that I have a hero who happens to be black and proud.

I feel a polite, white, starbucks sipping little voice in me that's nagging me to edit myself or go back to the playground and just say that I have "a hero."

It's 2019 and I consider a transgendered person a fucking hero who has totally changed my life.

This is a role model I can (and do) look up to and say "This is who the fuck I want to be."

We could have started with the idea that "transgender" is not demeaning in any way and it doesn't make you any less of a woman. It means you've probably walked through hell and back and have incredible strength. I'd prefer to hold someone in my mind as a transgendered individual and honor that. I'd prefer to hold someone in my mind as a fierce fucking black woman and LOVE that.

Fuck that tepid "acceptance" shit from 1999.

When you get look at the pain that comes with our struggles with queer identity or our communities or our places in the world, our differences from one another and what appears to separate ourselves appears to be a lot different on the surface.
 I have shrunk myself for the sake of others, trying to not stand out or to blend in with the wallpaper in these last couple of years.

I might come out of my shell and snipe a group with something funny once in awhile.

I figured out that I wasn't any happier for this.

I figured out that I wasn't any less lonely for it.

Hero.

"This is who the fuck I want to be."

That album has some themes of queer, black, identity, and/or gender depression intertwined into it.

I have had so much of this shit rattling around in my head and my heart and it's as if Janet offered me a new pair of eyeglasses and said "Here, try looking again now."

If you're going to survive in the rooms then you need to read this.

So, like, my favorite images are the ones where
Someone who isn't supposed to be there
Who's like in a space, a space where
We were not ever welcomed in, where we were not invited
Yet we walk in and we show all the way up
People try to put us down by saying
"She's doing the most," or "He's way too much."
But, like, why would we want to do the least?

... My eternal resolution will be “to do too much.”

You asked me what family is
And I think of family as community
I think of the spaces where you don't have to shrink yourself
Where you don't have to pretend or to perform
You can fully show up and be vulnerable
And in silence, completely empty and
That's completely enough
You show up, as you are, without judgment, without ridicule
Without fear or violence, or policing, or containment
And you can be there and you're filled all the way up
We get to choose our families
We are not limited by biology
We get to make ourselves
And we get to make our family

— Janet Mock

Posted at at January 14, 2019 on Monday, January 14, 2019 by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Blanket


Posted at at January 14, 2019 on by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

The Wall

When I crossed from Tijuana last night, there was a big portrait of a balding orange man grinning at all of us from the wall. I turned around and said I bet everyone loves being greeted by that. There was a lot of laughter.

I’m not saying that the orange man is bad. I’m just saying that he’s orange and going out on a limb and guessing that people arriving in the US from Tijuana aren’t happy to see his face on the wall.

I was not searched crossing in either direction. 20,000 a day crossing through that checkpoint on foot and I already can’t wait for the next time I’m one of them. I guess “the wall” isn’t going to stop guns or drugs. I stand corrected, the only thing it’s stopping is brown people. They’re trying to tell you that, some of these folks cross the damn thing every day to go to work or go shopping or visit family and friends, if they can. For those who can’t, some meet each other at the slats to talk, to touch each others hands, or cry.

On a totally unrelated note, orange man very bad.



Posted at at January 13, 2019 on Sunday, January 13, 2019 by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

It's alright

I woke up this morning having a dream about rebuilding the website. There was something about a day one activation, and blood spewing out of my wounds as I woozily wobbled towards an ambulance.

I guess you could say that it was disturbing.

I was not going back to sleep after that.

Then something clicked, it opened the floodgates and I wrote all morning.

I choose to interpret everything I just wrote in a metaphorical context:

My words this morning are the blood spewing out of my emotional wounds.

“Our movements have torn a hole through you.”

I assume... the movements of whatever force guides and loves me and works around me and through me and occasionally uses me as a tool ... or a weapon as the case may be.

Your movements haven’t torn a hole through me.

They’ve filled a hole in me.

“Nothing worth having comes without a fight. Got to kick at the darkness til it bleeds daylight.”

Posted at at January 13, 2019 on by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Whatever, whenever!

I saw the silver shimmy belt and I couldn’t help myself.

I took it off the mannequin and I put it around my hips.

I gyrated my waist and hips and mumbled “whatever! whenever!” singing softly to myself.

I giggled a little bit.

I don’t even know that song, the only one I know is “Empire.”

I wasn’t giggling as hard as the two teenage girls standing behind me holding a smartphone.

I whipped my head around. They stopped laughing and lowered the phone.

I busted out laughing.

They started laughing too.

I turned red.

Ah, fuck, that’s probably on someone’s Facebook or Instagram timeline now.

I bought the shimmy belt.

I’m going to be Gay Fat Bearded Shakira.


Posted at at January 13, 2019 on by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

A Day 1 Activation might go something like this

I received permission to write about this. 

The story is better than this, but the only person whose whole process I am at liberty to put out there on this page is my own.

******

She came into the room with the name “oxygen waster.”

I shouldn’t have laughed at it.

Because she kind of meant business.

But I did laugh.

I saw other people do the same thing: 

“LOL. OMG I LOVE YOUR NICKNAME.”

She was confused: Why is that so god damned funny to everyone? 

Because we’ve all felt like that before.

She explained that she got it from a band.

Not everyone comes back.

But she came back.

And then she came back again.

It only took a couple of days before the chat robot offered another animal in the hunting game.

Somebody typed !axe

I don’t even know what the bot says anymore. Something like: “Whoop whoop! [your] hatchet swings right and left, [you] have massacred a [$animal]. This juggalo killer has smoked X animals.”

The new arrival has a question: “wait, which one of you is the juggalo?”

The near 40-year-old with a hatchet girl tattoo who wrote the website with the aforementioned juggalo Easter egg.

“Mmfwcl”

“MCL”

And when she said we made her cry and want to live,

I cried too.

Maybe other people leave this place with hope,

But I’m not usually one of them.

Posted at at January 13, 2019 on by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Day 1 Activation

I had a dream we were going to build another website again for some reason.

And you were there,
And you were there,
And (you) were there.

Excitedly, we raced around town in a sedan from one member’s door to another to whisper the news and get them into the car.

I began to reload a Linux operating system on a system and I watched the dots flash across the screen ....................................
....................................
....................................
....................................

We hurried off to Ashlyn’s house.

She wasn’t home.

Well, we’d better not tell her now anyway,

She might not understand or support this.

(Okay, let’s go.)

There are already seven of us ready.

Isn’t that enough?

(Why yes, I reckon that it is.)

Is she on board?

(Uh-huh. She’s using a new nickname and pretending she’s new.)

Is he on board?

(Uh-huh. Him too.)

What about her?

(No. She’s already on another site.)

What’s her excuse? I’m on about five of them that I cycle through all day long.

Things were going so well, I turned to one of them and said “You’ve never been here to see a day one activation, have you?”

She got really quiet.

I went back upstairs to resume my work.

Two of the others came upstairs looking for me and they seemed quite alarmed.

(“Day one activation.”)

(Why did he say that?)

(How does he know what that is?)

“You need to go to the hospital right now.”

“Why?”

“Our movements have torn a hole through you.”

“What?”

“Go downstairs. Right Now. We’re not kidding, we called an ambulance and they’re on the way. You have to go.”

(I was confused but I agreed.)

I got to the bottom of the stairs and saw the flashing lights outside of the front door.

(I opened the door.)

“Is this him?”

(Hm, I don’t feel so good. I held on to my stomach.)

I noticed the trail of blood and I blacked out.

Posted at at January 13, 2019 on by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Hoetry or Floetry...


Posted at at January 12, 2019 on Saturday, January 12, 2019 by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Family

You asked me what family is
And I think of family as community
I think of the spaces where you don't have to shrink yourself
Where you don't have to pretend or to perform
You can fully show up and be vulnerable
And in silence, completely empty and
That's completely enough
You show up, as you are, without judgment, without ridicule
Without fear or violence, or policing, or containment
And you can be there and you're filled all the way up
We get to choose our families
We are not limited by biology
We get to make ourselves
And we get to make our family

— Janet Mock (ft. in “Family” by Blood Orange)

Posted at at January 08, 2019 on Tuesday, January 8, 2019 by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

The Sound of Loneliness

I wonder if I would have been good to you
I had drugs to do and guys to screw
Freedoms to taste, opportunities to waste
And cities I would flee in a haste

Sometimes, baby, things go down
And you need to get out of some other town
I had cars to crash, jobs from which to dash
Creative ways I would hustle for cash

Borders to cross and miles to roam
Abandoned buildings and cars I'd call home
Trains to catch and webs to weave
A few regrets and a few things I'd grieve

A few things that I didn't understand or know:
How to hold on to someone and not let go
How to be okay with not being okay 
How to be okay with actually being okay

How not fuck with happy, and not fuck with okay
How to be present in the moment or the day
How to recognize that someone like you
Might have enjoyed doing all of that too.

Posted at at January 08, 2019 on by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Mezmerized

Picture, if you will, a couple in a blue Toyota Prius from Wyoming, shoving Pringles potato chips into their faces
She’s driving and he’s wearing an Argyle sweater, looking like a millennial waifu with silver dollar sized eyes.
They’re both pointing at every object and building and person on Hollywood Boulevard, talking excitedly.
I haven’t been that excited since the one time I dropped ecstasy and wandered into the produce section at Jewel Osco.
Marveling at the lucious red apples
Stunned by how bright and beautiful the yellows of the bananas were.
How vivid the tangerines and lemons and loose leaf spinach looked.
Staring at the sprinklers with the wonder of a child
As the PA system began to play “Singing in the Rain”
Singing in the rain,
Singing in the rain!
My rapture unbroken by the cashier asking me to please leave.
Oh my gosh, she was pretty!
They both have that look about them right now
Cruising past the Hollywood Walk of Fame
Mesmerized out of their minds and probably without ecstasy.
But then again, it’s Hollywood Boulevard
And this is within the realm of possibility
He favors the sour cream and onion flavor.
And hers look like they might be barbecue.
I’m so happy for the both of them today.
Like the weeds and the dandelions, love always finds a way

Posted at at January 07, 2019 on Monday, January 7, 2019 by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

Okay

I guess I’m comfortable and I guess this is peaceful.

I’m neither elated nor depressed.

I’m okay.

This beats the fuck out of “not okay.”

If I could go back to my 20-year-old self and tell him one thing, it would be “you’re okay now.”

I was okay and I didn’t even know it.

I was safe and I didn’t even know it.

I didn’t know how to just be okay.

Posted at at January 07, 2019 on by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under:

racy grandmothers

10:44 PM[00:37] Session Ident: Leger (wikkedwire, betsy7122) (vavve@wikkedwire-21DB9729.mia.bellsouth.net)
10:44 PM[00:37] <Leger> silly bitch
10:44 PM[00:39] <betsy7122> pathetic adolescent virgin boy
10:44 PM[00:39] <Leger> lol i raped u so good
10:44 PM[00:39] <betsy7122> you stink even at cyber sex
10:44 PM[00:39] <betsy7122> you don't have a clue as to how to have sex
10:44 PM[00:39] <betsy7122> you need a how to book
10:44 PM[00:39] <Leger> lol i had u so scared and obedient
10:44 PM[00:40] <betsy7122> you've never had sex with anyone but yourself in your life
10:44 PM[00:40] <betsy7122> you are pathetic
10:45 PM[00:40] <betsy7122> probably have the worse case of teen age acne ever
10:45 PM[00:40] <Leger> and u still got raped
10:45 PM[00:41] <betsy7122> in your wet dreams, jerk
10:45 PM[00:41] <Leger> u played my game and we both know it
10:45 PM[00:41] <betsy7122> too bad you will never have sex in real life
10:45 PM[00:42] <Leger> u made me cum so much
10:45 PM[00:45] <betsy7122> I obviously know alot more about sex than you do, lol
10:45 PM[00:45] <Leger> i loved using u
10:45 PM[00:46] <betsy7122> enjoy it, idiot, you will never have it for real
10:45 PM[00:47] <betsy7122> you keep opening and shutting your window, I am losing my connection with you
10:45 PM[00:47] <Leger> so what
10:45 PM[00:49] <betsy7122> you need to stop bothering me. It's time for this to be over
10:45 PM[00:49] <Leger> lol im sure u do
10:45 PM[00:51] <betsy7122> The problem with you is, you're afraid of a fair fight.
10:45 PM[00:51] <Leger> explain
10:45 PM[00:51] <betsy7122> You just victimize naive ppl who don't know much about computers
10:45 PM[00:51] <betsy7122> you're not up for a fight on level territory
10:45 PM[00:51] <Leger> so what
10:45 PM[00:51] <betsy7122> so you're a coward
10:45 PM[00:51] <Leger> then this will never be over fo u
10:45 PM[00:52] <betsy7122> all I have to do is ignore you
10:45 PM[00:52] <betsy7122> np
10:45 PM[00:52] <betsy7122> I'm just entertaining myself talking to you
10:45 PM[00:52] <betsy7122> I used to teach freshman boys like you
10:45 PM[00:52] <betsy7122> they were truly disgusting
10:45 PM[00:52] <betsy7122> smelly and pock marke
10:45 PM[00:53] <Leger> silly woman
10:45 PM[00:53] <betsy7122> I dare you to keep your window open
10:45 PM[00:53] <betsy7122> have a fair fight
10:45 PM[00:54] <Leger> nope
10:45 PM[00:54] <Leger> i only cyber MY way
10:45 PM[00:54] <betsy7122> coward
10:45 PM[00:54] <betsy7122> pathetic pimply faced coward
10:45 PM[00:57] <Leger> tsk tsk
10:45 PM[00:57] <betsy7122> I don't think you actually know how to have real sex
10:45 PM[00:57] <betsy7122> you're just copying things you have read
10:45 PM[00:58] <Leger> im glad u think so
10:45 PM[00:59] <betsy7122> tell you what, sweetheart, you leave the window open so we don't disconnect and I'll cyber you again....deal is after that you leave me alone
10:45 PM[00:59] <Leger> fine but u give ur full attention and u cyber MY way
10:45 PM[01:02] <betsy7122> I;ll know if you open and close the windows, it will mess with my connection
10:46 PM[01:02] <Leger> i said fine
10:46 PM[01:02] <betsy7122> the minute you close your window, it's over
10:46 PM[01:02] <Leger> fine but u give ur full attention and u cyber MY way
10:46 PM[01:02] <Leger> see already ur not listening
10:46 PM[01:04] <betsy7122> I'm listening, I just don't think you know how to cyber.
10:46 PM[01:04] <betsy7122> I was much better at it than you were
10:46 PM[01:04] <Leger> i said full attention
10:46 PM[01:04] <Leger> and u cyber my way
10:46 PM[01:04] <Leger> or no deal
10:46 PM[01:05] <betsy7122> no problem, it amuses me
10:46 PM[01:05] <betsy7122> close the window, though, and the deal is off
10:46 PM[01:05] <Leger> it amuses u ?
10:46 PM[01:05] <Leger> ok forget it
10:46 PM[01:05] <betsy7122> I think you need to put your money where your mouth is
10:46 PM[01:05] <Leger> im not taking this deal if u wont take it serious
10:46 PM[01:05] <betsy7122> I'm serious
10:46 PM[01:05] <betsy7122> I just don't think you have what it takes
10:46 PM[01:06] <Leger> then from here on no more being a smart ass
10:46 PM[01:06] <Leger> u talk like a nice sub bitch
10:46 PM[01:06] <Leger> got it ?
10:46 PM[01:06] <betsy7122> sure, show me your stuff
10:46 PM[01:07] <Leger> ::smiles and unzips myself:::     on ur knees again
10:46 PM[01:07] <betsy7122> I don't want to
10:46 PM[01:07] <betsy7122> you'll have to make me
10:46 PM[01:07] <Leger> i said ur my sub bitch
10:46 PM[01:07] <Leger> and u do what i say
10:46 PM[01:08] <betsy7122> okay, I'm on my knees
10:46 PM[01:08] <Leger> ah thought so
10:46 PM[01:08] <Leger> ::takes out my cock and slaps it across ur face:::
10:46 PM[01:08] <betsy7122> I pull back
10:46 PM[01:09] <Leger> ::holds the back of ur head and pulls ur head to my cock:::     come get it
10:46 PM[01:09] <betsy7122> I breath deeply
10:46 PM[01:09] <Leger> ::pulls u closer:::     cmon little whore girl
10:46 PM[01:10] <betsy7122> I smell the scent of you, animal like
10:46 PM[01:10] <Leger> suck it now
10:46 PM[01:10] <betsy7122> I slowly open my mouth
10:46 PM[01:11] <Leger> ::puts my cock in ur stupid bitch mouth:::     now lets see what u can do
10:46 PM[01:11] <betsy7122> I feel your cock up against the roof of my mouth
10:46 PM[01:11] <Leger> cmon bitch
10:46 PM[01:11] <betsy7122> your cock is too big for my mouth; I can't breath
10:46 PM[01:12] <Leger> i said suck u stupid whore
10:46 PM[01:12] <Leger> or im leaving
10:46 PM[01:12] <betsy7122> I open my mouth wider and try to swallow your cock
10:46 PM[01:13] <Leger> i
10:46 PM[01:13] <Leger> said
10:46 PM[01:13] <Leger> suck
10:47 PM[01:13] <betsy7122> I suck, trying not to choke
10:47 PM[01:13] <Leger> thats it now use that tongue
10:47 PM[01:14] <betsy7122> I move my tongue around your cock, feeling the ridge
10:47 PM[01:14] <Leger> ::pats u on the head:::    ahhh soo good
10:47 PM[01:15] <betsy7122> I feel the taste of a bit of your cum in my mouth
10:47 PM[01:16] <Leger> ::quickly pushes u onto the bed and cuffs ur hands to the bedposts before u can stop me:::
10:47 PM[01:16] <betsy7122> what are you doing? I'm giving you all you want. What is it you want?
10:47 PM[01:17] <Leger> now what were u talking about a fair fight ?
10:47 PM[01:17] <Leger> ::slaps u hard across the face:::
10:47 PM[01:17] <betsy7122> why are you doing this to me???
10:47 PM[01:18] <Leger> ::slaps u again and rips open ur shirt:::
10:47 PM[01:18] <Leger> whos the bitch here now ?
10:47 PM[01:19] <betsy7122> I try to get away, thrashing my legs against the bed
10:47 PM[01:19] <Leger> (im going soft)
10:47 PM[01:19] <Leger> (im going soft)
10:47 PM[01:20] <betsy7122> I don't know what you want me to do
10:47 PM[01:20] <Leger> ::slaps u again and rips open ur shirt:::
10:47 PM[01:21] <betsy7122> I gasp for breath
10:47 PM[01:21] <Leger> ::starts to rub ur tits:::     pathetic woman
10:47 PM[01:23] <betsy7122> I feel your hand move roughly over my breasts
10:47 PM[01:23] <Leger> :smiles at u::    im so enjoying this
10:47 PM[01:23] <Leger> lets see how the little bitch can squirm
10:47 PM[01:25] <betsy7122> my legs are still loose, I use them to struggle
10:47 PM[01:26] <Leger> ::laughs and slides my cock into ur pussy:::
10:47 PM[01:27] <betsy7122> I am too scared and too dry, this hurts
10:47 PM[01:28] <Leger> ::holds ur tits and starts to fuck u:::
10:47 PM[01:28] <betsy7122> I move from side to side, trying to pull away from you
10:47 PM[01:29] <Leger> ::grips ur chin::    look at me whore while u play my game
10:47 PM[01:30] <betsy7122> I turn my chin away and struggle with all my might
10:47 PM[01:31] <Leger> or i will get a knife and cut off ur nipples
10:47 PM[01:31] <Leger> look at me u cunt
10:47 PM[01:31] <betsy7122> no, don't use that word
10:47 PM[01:32] <Leger> shut up cunt and look at me
10:47 PM[01:32] <Leger> dont make me repeat it
10:47 PM[01:32] <betsy7122> I take a deep breath.....
10:47 PM[01:33] <Leger> cmon cunt girl
10:47 PM[01:33] <Leger> look at ur master
10:47 PM[01:33] <betsy7122> I am not going to give in
10:47 PM[01:35] <Leger> well i had fun making u do this cyber again and yes i was posing as Steely. thanks for being a stupid enough bitch girl to fall for my cyber trick again and making me cum
10:47 PM[01:35] <Leger> i win

Posted at at January 02, 2019 on Wednesday, January 2, 2019 by By The Energizer Bunny From Hell |   | Filed under: