Occasionally I get a little help with my narrative or perspective.
Today someone shared about entering the rooms feeling “better than” and he talked about being harsh or malicious or judgmental instead of having compassion or empathy for newcomers.
He couldn’t stay sober.
Something clicked: I went into the rooms feeling very much less than, and I had the great fortune of finding an AA group full of “better thans.”
I didn’t get along with quite a few of them and I didn’t really have any compassion or empathy for them either. I basically fucking hated their guts.
And I couldn’t stay sober either.
Well, most of them are gone now.
I guess whether you are a “better than” or a “less than,” the waves will lap away at you until you’re just “one of,” and you will eventually have that removed from you one way or the other.
“A sponsor holds the light while you dig.”
Well, my last two blew me off and I’m tired of playing that game. I am not sure I’d want to be privy to my secrets or my fourth step either in all fairness.
I just have to shrug it off: There’s hundreds of people in the group that all think you’re fabulous and either want you, want to be you, or want to be your friend.
Being you looks pretty fabulous on Facebook and Instagram … but I know what’s really going on.