The speaker came up to the podium and announced that he’d relapsed on meth for one weekend and caught gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphillis, *and* HPV.
He received a raucous whistling and cheering standing ovation for that.

Only in Los Angeles.

Some guy sat down next to me, grabbed a hold of my hand, and informed me that I’m his boyfriend now.
I shrugged and said “okay.”
He leaned in close to me and whispered “smoking crack is like getting hit by a bus!”
I burst out laughing.
Unfortunately, at that very moment, the speaker had just said that his uncle passed away.
It looked like I was laughing uncontrollably at that.

Oh well, nobody likes me anyway.