Every time I think I want to die, or I think I’m damn near it.

Those motherfuckers from Chicago or Texas-
So I had a dream that Janet Mock and Kylon came to me. And Janet said “you are not garbage.”
“You are not garbage.”
“You are not garbage.”
And I say sometimes that I hate Kylon more than I hate IBM *and* Xerox , but I don’t really mean it.
“I had a dream… and you were there … and you were there… and you were there…”
When you have the kinds of problems we are having in the world at this moment, sometimes you … don’t have a lot of time for bullshit … and you can cover more ground … or whatever the problems are … faster … if you turn your back on each other and circle the globe in opposite directions.
At least she isn’t Jeremy, screaming to her audience of 3000 people that someone used the WRONG parking spot. 🙄
Wherever you stand right now , whatever you’re going through, if that person is “with you” in spirit or held in your heart or mind or something about their energy their rawness their awesomeness and whatever they brought to your life through art or music or word or inspiration or a fire to live , if they’re with you , however you interpret that , then don’t worry about it, they’re with you.
Every bond I’ve ever had has been destroyed and my memories of you are all I have now.
I got mad as fuck but I dove into who and where I came from , as best as I could without giving one of those fucking identity phishing sites my DNA or personal information, because up until then I didn’t know and I didn’t care because … we weren’t taught to care about that sort of thing. We’re in the now, you are you and I am me and I never really did and … still really don’t identify with my ancestry.
To what end. I don’t know. “Bitch I’m not white and we didn’t own slaves and I know you love Type O Negative as much as I do even if you’d rather die than tell your black friends that.”
Or how about.. I do know what it’s like to be beaten, raped, stalked , and to walk through your life utterly fucking destroyed by family and or domestic violence,  spending half my life thinking about killing myself or doing everything imaginable to get there faster; while somehow still punching a clock for 12-16 hours a day and then volunteering for another 4 or 8 and even though you fix their problems or earn a check they just look at you and go “well, he’s just fucked up.”
………………. and if you don’t care why, fine.
You don’t owe me your concern or your care.
Nobody does.
To be American means , you have no idea who or where you’re from, the missionaries probably changed your name and lied about everything including who your family even is; and your names don’t mean shit.
Unless they do.
I’m sorry and I am far away and don’t know if I’ll ever see you again but I would give anything and I mean anything for you to hug me and say “Robert, I hate you more than I hate structural and institutional racism.”
I’m going to go to hell for saying this, but , daddy, pound me — I wanna look deep into your pretty brown eyes and say “I hate you more than I hate The View.”
Updated 10/1/2021 , in case you mistake a later post for vacillating on any of this.